Breaking News: Witnesses Report Great Pumpkin Siting

A crowd gathered at a local pumpkin patch reported that they saw the Great Pumpkin. With Halloween only a day away, the reports are being taken very seriously. Sightings of the Great Pumpkin have been few and far between since the early 1980s when he was spotted by the Charlie Brown gang. Carlson Times will be sure to keep you up to date on this developing story.

Carlson Times Employees Participate in Competitions

A few employees of the Carlson Times competed in a swimming competition last week. Participants were required to swim across the pool with the fastest time. Sully, Cody, & Griffin Carlson made excellent time, placing first, second, and third, consecutively.

In another competition, Editor of the Times, Gina Carlson, participated in the Detroit Half Marathon. Her strides were long and her effort was strong. Although, unlike the Carlson swimmers, she didn't come in first, second, or third. However, we are happy to report that she made it the entire 13.1 miles without passing out first.

NASA Planning Moon Mission

In a press release issued Thursday, NASA confirmed that it is working on a new mission to the moon. Scheduled for early 2009, astronauts plan on landing on the moon for further exploration. Currently, NASA's top scientists are working on the trip scenarios and maps of the moon's surface. The Times had an exclusive interview with scientist, Griffin Carlson. He stated that, because they want the mission to be as successful as possible, NASA has already exceeded their 156 billion dollar budget. Griffin added that going over budget was unavoidable, as he needed a new crayon and marker set to make his moon maps.

Dear Dakota...

Dear Dakota:

Sometimes I worry that my eyes are too big and that people are always staring at them. What can I do to hide them?

-Googly-eyed Girl

Dear Googly-eyed:

They say that a person's eyes are the gateway to their soul......your gateway is just larger than most. If you are worried that people are staring, just invest in a good pair of sunglasses. They may not make your googly eyes look smaller, but maybe they will help to provide enough of a disguise so people won't know who you are.

Griffin Carlson Poised to Win Tour de Grace

Griffin Carlson made his way to the front of the pack early Friday, on the first day of racing in the Tour de Grace. After moving up fifteen places early on, Griffin gained great momentum and unbelievable speed. At the end of the day, Griffin was awarded the coveted yellow jersey.

Grandpa's Kitchen

In this special edition of the Carlson Times, we offer you a glimpse into Grandpa's kitchen. Many of you may recognize this exuberant man as "The Polka King," but on this day, he was wearing a different hat. In a cozy house filled with crazy people, he lovingly flipped pancakes for everyone. Really, would you want these people in your house? Grandpa, you're the best!

Dear Dakota...

Dear Dakota:

Sometimes I feel like people don't like me. I know that this is an irrational feeling, but when I start talking to someone, they generally avoid making eye contact. It almost feels as though they are bored and want to fall asleep while I am talking. What can I do to help keep the attention of others focused on what I am saying?

-Disregarded Daisy

Dear Disregarded:

I understand your dilemma. I wouldn't take other people's lack of focus personally. Sometimes.....oh, what a comfy couch......Sometimes people just can't pay attention....I'm just going to lay down here.....I am listening....just closing my eyes for one minute ......................................................................... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Three Guys and a Little Girl Hit the Stage in Canton, Ohio

The hit band, Three Guys and a Little Girl, ended their summer tour in Canton, Ohio, with hits from the iconic band, Pink Floyd. Rocking out late into the evening, the audience was obviously moved by the performance, waving lighters swiftly above their heads. When asked by reporters how he felt about the tour coming to an end, lead singer, Sully Carlson, simply stated, "Comfortably Numb."

The Life of a Princess

In a rare interview, Princess Dakota spoke with a Times reporter about the challenges that she faces as part of a royal family. Specifically, she stated that, on rare occasions, her chauffeur, Cody, has to take a sick day. On those days, she actually has to walk to get somewhere. Thankfully for her, today was not one of those days.