Dear Dakota...

Dear Dakota:

I am looking for a different hairstyle, and I was wondering if you might be able to help me out. I was thinking short...but what do you think?

-Charasmatic Caedmon

Dear Caedmon:

In order to show off your handsome face and gorgeous eyes, short will definitely suit you. Let me help you...

Deck the Halls...

Deck the halls with boughs of holly

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Pull on the tree and watch it fall-y
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Don we now are silly smiles
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la

While we stack the kids in piles
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Dear Dakota...

Dear Dakota:

With the Christmas holiday only 24 days away, I have been experiencing anxiety attacks at the very thought of shopping. How can I get the courage to venture out into the crowds to find the perfect gifts?

-Anxious Annie

Dear Anxious:

The feelings that you are experiencing are all too common this time of year. I often get so anxious that my alter ego, Spider-Girl, emerges. When I put on my spider outfit, I feel invincible. So, my advice to you is to invest in a spidey suit...or shop online.

BGSU Hockey Scores Big Win Over Northern Michigan

Although it took long enough, BG was able to score their first goal during the second period, on Saturday night. The intensity of the game heated up in the third period, when Northern Michigan squeaked one in past the BG goalie. With time running out, the crowds began the familiar chant:

Then, as the clock wound down to 2:14 remaining, BG pulled through and scored the winning goal...and the crowd went wild!

I Wanna Drive The Zamboni

by Gear Daddies

Well I went down to the local arena

Asked to see the manager man

He came from his office, said Son can I help you?

Looked at him and said Yes you can

Hey, I wanna drive the Zamboni

Hey, I wanna drive the Zamboni

Yes I do

Now eer since I was young

Its been my dream

That I might drive the Zamboni machine

I guess that I was just slick as could be

And all the kids would look up to me

Hey, I wanna drive the Zamboni
Hey, I wanna drive the Zamboni
Yes I do

Now the manager said Son, I know it looks keen,

But that right theres one expensive machine

And I got Smokey whos been driving for years

About that time I broke down in tears

Cuz I wanna drive the Zamboni

Hey I wanna drive the Zamboni

Hey, I wanna drive the Zamboni
Hey, I wanna drive the Zamboni
Yes I do

Dear Dakota...

Dear Dakota:

I have always been one of your biggest fans. Your advice always seems to come straight from your heart. Could you please tell me where you get your inspiration from?

-Wondering Wendy

Dear Wondering:

I would love to share with you my source of inspiration. My inspiration comes from someone who is the most amazing person I know. He is always loving, patient, and wise. This person is my daddy. It is from him that I draw my own infinite words of wisdom. He loves me unconditionally...even when I try to steal a kiss in between bites of my dinner.

Sick

"I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay,

"I have the measles and the mumps,

A gash, a rash, and purple bumps.

My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,

I'm going blind in my right eye.

My tonsils are as big as rocks,

I've counted sixteen chicken pox

And there's one more--that's seventeen,

And don't you think my face looks green?

My leg is cut, my eyes are blue--

It might be instamatic flu.

I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,

I'm sure that my left leg is broke--

My hip hurts when I move my chin,

My belly button's caving in,

My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,

My 'pendix pains each time it rains.

My nose is cold, my toes are numb,

I have a sliver in my thumb.

My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,

I hardly whisper when I speak.

My tongue is filling up my mouth,

I think my hair is falling out.

My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,

My temperature is one-o-eight.

My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,

There is a hole inside my ear.

I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what?

What's that? What's that you say?

You say today is---Saturday?

G'bye, I'm going out to play!"

~Shel Silverstein~

Reemergence of Seventies' Era Fashion Trends

Everyone knows that history often repeats itself. Our fashion editors hit the streets this weekend to find out if they could find evidence of past fashion trends reemerging. It did not take long for them to find Griffin Carlson sporting his socks pulled up to mid-calf. The only thing missing was the stripes.

Dear Dakota...

Dear Dakota:

I am a singer and have been experiencing difficulty reaching the lower notes. What can I do to improve my vocal range?

Struggling Soprano

Dear Struggling:

I have had people ask me this same question many, many times. In fact, so many people have inquired about my musical expertise, that I was prompted to create an instructional video. Remember: the key to a beautiful singing voice is to open your mouth!

The Night Wind

by Eugene Field

Have you ever heard the wind go "Yooooo"?

'Tis a pitiful sound to hear!

It seems to chill you through and through

With a strange and speechless fear.

'Tis the voice of the night that broods outside

When folk should be asleep,

And many and many's the time I've cried

To the darkness brooding far and wide

Over the land and the deep:

"Whom do you want, O lonely night,

That you wail the long hours through?

And the night would say in its ghostly way:

"Yoooooooo! Yoooooooo! Yoooooooo!"

My mother told me long ago

(When I was a little tad)

That when the night went wailing so,

Somebody had been bad;

And then, when I was snug in bed,

Whither I had been sent,

With the blankets pulled up round my head,

I'd think of what my mother'd said,

And wonder what boy she meant!

And "Who's been bad to-day?"

I'd ask Of the wind that hoarsely blew;

And the voice would say in its meaningful way:

"Yoooooooo! Yoooooooo! Yoooooooo!"

That this was true I must allow--

You'll not believe it, though!

Yes, though I'm quite a model now,

I was not always so.

And if you doubt what things I say,

Suppose you make the test;

Suppose, when you've been bad some day

And up to bed are sent away

From mother and the rest--

Suppose you ask, "Who has been bad?"

And then you'll hear what's true;

For the wind will moan in its ruefulest tone:

"Yoooooooo! Yoooooooo! Yoooooooo!"

Breaking News: Witnesses Report Great Pumpkin Siting

A crowd gathered at a local pumpkin patch reported that they saw the Great Pumpkin. With Halloween only a day away, the reports are being taken very seriously. Sightings of the Great Pumpkin have been few and far between since the early 1980s when he was spotted by the Charlie Brown gang. Carlson Times will be sure to keep you up to date on this developing story.

Carlson Times Employees Participate in Competitions

A few employees of the Carlson Times competed in a swimming competition last week. Participants were required to swim across the pool with the fastest time. Sully, Cody, & Griffin Carlson made excellent time, placing first, second, and third, consecutively.

In another competition, Editor of the Times, Gina Carlson, participated in the Detroit Half Marathon. Her strides were long and her effort was strong. Although, unlike the Carlson swimmers, she didn't come in first, second, or third. However, we are happy to report that she made it the entire 13.1 miles without passing out first.

NASA Planning Moon Mission

In a press release issued Thursday, NASA confirmed that it is working on a new mission to the moon. Scheduled for early 2009, astronauts plan on landing on the moon for further exploration. Currently, NASA's top scientists are working on the trip scenarios and maps of the moon's surface. The Times had an exclusive interview with scientist, Griffin Carlson. He stated that, because they want the mission to be as successful as possible, NASA has already exceeded their 156 billion dollar budget. Griffin added that going over budget was unavoidable, as he needed a new crayon and marker set to make his moon maps.

Dear Dakota...

Dear Dakota:

Sometimes I worry that my eyes are too big and that people are always staring at them. What can I do to hide them?

-Googly-eyed Girl

Dear Googly-eyed:

They say that a person's eyes are the gateway to their soul......your gateway is just larger than most. If you are worried that people are staring, just invest in a good pair of sunglasses. They may not make your googly eyes look smaller, but maybe they will help to provide enough of a disguise so people won't know who you are.

Griffin Carlson Poised to Win Tour de Grace

Griffin Carlson made his way to the front of the pack early Friday, on the first day of racing in the Tour de Grace. After moving up fifteen places early on, Griffin gained great momentum and unbelievable speed. At the end of the day, Griffin was awarded the coveted yellow jersey.

Grandpa's Kitchen

In this special edition of the Carlson Times, we offer you a glimpse into Grandpa's kitchen. Many of you may recognize this exuberant man as "The Polka King," but on this day, he was wearing a different hat. In a cozy house filled with crazy people, he lovingly flipped pancakes for everyone. Really, would you want these people in your house? Grandpa, you're the best!